I like Video on Demand a lot. I like it because since I can sit on my ass at home and order a movie for $3.99 off of the TV, I can not only save $20 bucks that I would have wasted on a DVD that I would have only watched once, but I can also do my part to save the environment and conserve a few gallons of gas while I'm at it. And if my refusing to get up and walk around to find myself entertainment makes me more of a fat lazy American than I was before, so be it. We have eating disorders for that.

But I don't like the fact that I decided to spend the $3.99 I'm allotted every week by my mom to order a movie on this trash. See, I have Stars and HBO. Since you already pay for those channels, the On Demand movies you get from them are free, so I can order as many of them as I want. But Video on Demand, the regular channel, has a few shitty free movies and then some more movies you have to pay for. I can only get one paid movie a week, courtesy of mom. And I ordered . . . fucking Exorcist: The Beginning.

I really don't even want to talk about it. It was just . . . bad. Like, the only female in the movie was a 21st century fantasy, and the only shocks worked thanks to a few cheap tricks pulled. I also think that the director has a real problem with children, because one of the two children in the movie died a horrible, violent death and the other one spent the rest of the movie convulsing.

Oh, shit, you know, moviemakers are starved for ideas, as explained by the remake of The Amityville Horror, the two impending sequels to Pirates of the Caribbean, and my own recent brush with Dreamworks. For the first, I can already tell that they fucked up the story even more than they did with the original from the trailers alone, and even had the audacity to claim it was based on a true story. For the second, I saw a few production photos and learned enough to know that merchandising prevented Jack Sparrow from ever changing his fucking clothes, that dirty man. And for the third, capitalism reigns supreme! Rah!

I should've ordered Napolean Dynamite.